u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
