ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
