Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
