i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
