We're like a lot better than the average bears
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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