I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
