and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
