white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
