a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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