im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
