Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
