Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
