Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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