the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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