dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't turn off my feet"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
