Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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