3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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