the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
