I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
