Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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