Where is the hickey?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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