Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
