he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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