you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
