it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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