Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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