Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
