i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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