My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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