Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize