oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
