she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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