I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
