2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
