are you so shy because you have an std?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
