I'm jealous of your bromance
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize