everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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