so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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