Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
