Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
