i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
