I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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