I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
honey bunches of taint.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
