Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
