Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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