Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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