So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
