his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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