And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
