he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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