I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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