Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
