Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
