If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
