so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
