covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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