Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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