i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This house was built for laser tag.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
