Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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