I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
