Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
