He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
