you have to choose: penises or morals?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
