That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
