I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
