Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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