you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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