i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
