the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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