Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
