listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Barsexuality is the new black.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize