Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do vagina's smell?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
