Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
