I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
