i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
