i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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