My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize
